SiriuslyLupin's InsaneJournal

As has become the trend over the recent years, I didn't even realize this day was almost upon me. It only occurred to me when I was at work last night, filling out the dates on today's paperwork. Only when I wrote it out did it seem to hit me. Strange the way it happens. Also strange that my boss apparently had the foresight to schedule me off today :)

It's a snowy day. I don't care much for snow. It's fun when you're little, but I just find it a hassle more than anything now. But I like when it snows on January 20th. It's so pretty and peaceful, and that seems so appropriate for today. It feels right, and I always associate snow with this day. I even bought a remembrance teddy bear with a snowflake pattern on him. Probably because it snowed on this day twelve years ago, and it feels wrong in some ways if it doesn't snow. Like the day is incomplete.

I remember that day - now over a decade ago - so clearly. It's stayed suspended in my mind in a place where I don't think anything will ever touch it or fade it. Like a perfect little thing. An untouched snowflake perhaps. Although that day itself was a nightmare. I struggled through the day just so I could sit alone in tears all night. The snow that had fallen ruined any plans I had (made in a futile attempt to distract myself), so it was just me. Except it wasn't. She was there too. I didn't know it then, but it's since become very apparent to me. She's been with me ever since she left me. And that's not a contradiction.

There are no tears now. Only peace. Like the perfect blanket of pure white snow outside.

You don't need to know what this is about, just that today is a special day, so I ask that you do something nice for yourself today. It can be anything, better yet if it's something you love to do and haven't had a chance to do in a while - make cookies, take a long bath, take a nap, spend some extra time reading that book you love, dance in the snow and catch a snowflake on your tongue :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

To Where You Are ~ Josh Groban

Who can say for certain?
Maybe you're still here.
I feel you all around me, your memories so clear.

Deep in the stillness, I can hear you speak.
You're still an inspiration, can it be?
That you are mine, forever love,
And you are watching over me from up above.

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star,
I wish upon tonight to see you smile.
If only for awhile to know you're there,
A breath away's not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping, here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen?

As my heart holds you, just one beat away,
I cherish all you gave me everyday.
'Cause you are mine, forever love,
Watching me from up above.

And I believe that angels breathe,
And that love will live on and never leave.

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star,
I wish upon tonight to see you smile.
If only for awhile to know you're there,
A breath away's not far to where you are.

I know you're there.
A breath away's not far to where you are.

What are SOPA and PIPA?

Many sites are holding a black out today in protest. Please read up on this, find out what it's about, and contact your state representatives with your opinions, questions, and concerns, because it could affect the way all of us use the internet. Even if you don't live in the United States, this could affect you as well, so please look into contacting your local State Department, Ministry of Foreign Affairs, or similar branch of government. Just please make it known how you feel about this!

On Thursday night, I was the office manager at work by myself for the first time. This time last week, I felt pretty confident in myself, but the closer it got to the actual day, the more scared I became. By the time I woke up on Thursday, I was absolutely terrified. I don't even know how I was able to get to sleep the night before, because I was certain I was going to muck something up, or something was going to happen that I wasn't trained for, and I wasn't going to know how to handle it. That being said, my boss understands that I'm not going to be trained for absolutely every situation, or that mistakes might happen, so she encourages us to call her if we ever don't know what to do.

I didn't call her at all. I didn't have any problems at all. I was surprised by how easy it all seemed. As I was coming home on Thursday night, I kept going over everything in my mind, wondering if I had missed something, or if I had done something wrong. I went over the list of procedures my boss had given me several times so that I could convince myself that I didn't miss anything. I couldn't see anything that I might have done wrong, so I felt pretty okay with how things had gone, but sometimes you really never know if you did something wrong until you're told.

I finally saw my boss today for the first time since last weekend, and I have to be honest - I don't think I've ever seen her so happy. She's generally a pleasant person, but this is her and her husband's business. If there's anything wrong or anything she thinks can be done better, she says so. It can be a little disheartening sometimes when you're doing the best job you can, and she finds things wrong with it. But she told me today (and these were her exact words), "Everything was perfect, everything was neat, everything was organized, and nothing was wrong. You did a great job." I can't tell you what a relief that was to me, and I have never heard such praise from her ever, not directed at me or anyone else. I am still absolutely astounded and still on a high from this morning.

When I came home, I told my dad what my boss had said, and he told me about fifty million times how proud he is of me. Then he said, "I wish Mum knew." I replied with, "She does." This is something I've always felt very strongly ever since I was little - that our loved ones never really leave us, not even in death, and that they're always watching us and perhaps even looking after us. My dad asked, "You think she does?" Very firmly, I said, "Yes." He said, "Maybe..." in a really thoughtful tone. We really don't talk about it that much, but it was a really nice moment.

I'm aware that this post comes off as me patting myself on the back, and well, maybe I am. I worked and trained very long and hard for this position - it's the one I was originally hired for five months - and I'm finally there. And Jesus, have I really been at this job for that long? It doesn't seem like it at all, but I started August 11th. The mark of doing something you enjoy, otherwise it would feel like forever by now <3

Tonight at approximately 10:00 PM, I was driving home from work. I'm in the third and final part of my training, and it is winding down. I'll have perhaps two more training sessions before I'll be a full office manager. I'm caught somewhere between confidence and outright terror. I feel pretty okay with this things I've learned, and my trainers have expressed their confidence in me, but there's still that niggling uncertainty that makes me nervous as all hell.

I was thinking about all of this as I was driving home tonight, and then there it was - a shooting star streaking across the sky just above me. I've never seen one before in my life, but just like that, in a split second, that changed. Life turns on a dime.

I was even late getting out of work by twenty minutes, because a coworker needed help with her own paperwork. If that hadn't happened, if we hadn't been so behind, I never would have seen it, and what a perfect time for me to be in exactly the right place at the right time to experience such a rare phenomena. When I was feeling a bit nervous that my training is nearly over, that I'll be managing the entire front end myself very shortly, that it'll all be up to me - that bright and beautiful little star fell across the sky as if to let me know that it'll be okay <3

Go through your stories from the past year and copy and paste the first sentence (or paragraph if you wish) of the first story/chapter of each month. This is your year in review.

( 2011 )

Anyone who's seen Survivor is probably familiar with Russell Hantz. Perhaps the most notorious and obnoxious person to ever play the game. He is a jackass, and he doesn't care. He'll lie and cheat his way to the top to win the game, and he doesn't care who he hurts on his way there. He's even gone so far as to hide and steal things from camp just to cause chaos and see his teammates fight about it. Class act.

He's played the game three times, and he's made it into the finals twice. Both times, he got zero votes to win the million dollars, and he wonders why. Because people don't like to be treated like that! Every time he's lost, he's burst into tears and whined about how unfair it is, because he deserves to win *snorts*

This past season, his nephew, Brandon came on Survivor to try and change the reputation his family has gotten from his uncle being on the show. Brandon wanted to prove that his family isn't full of a bunch of jackasses like his uncle. A tall order, but I can't say he failed. Brandon seemed caught sometimes, liked he wanted to be like his uncle, and he had to force himself not to be. But all in all, I suppose he met his goal. I don't personally care for him all that much, but I do like some aspects of his personality, and I admire the fact that he'd try to change people's opinions of his family.

The sad thing is, his family didn't see it that way. Towards the end of the season, the remaining contestants each have a friend or family member join them on the island as a reward. Brandon's father (Russell's brother) came on to visit him, and Brandon reiterated everything he'd been saying all season - that he was working very hard to change the stereotypes associated with his family. He said he was trying his best to play with honor and integrity, and he thought he was doing a good job. His father completely threw that in face and said that none of it mattered, because there was a million dollars on the line, and that was the most important thing. Brandon needed to do his best to win it, and if that meant lying and cheating, that's what he should do.

Wow. I don't think I've ever seen such a sorry excuse for parenting in all my life. I don't know what kind of fucked up morals the Hantz family was raised with, but what kind of person puts so much emphasis on money? Sure, a million dollars would be nice, especially in such tough times, but if Brandon doesn't care about that, if he's more interested in playing a fair game, then what business is it of anyone to tell him different?

And it doesn't end there. Fast forward to the reunion show at the end of the season, and other than Russell, none of Brandon's family showed up to support him. While he said that some simply couldn't make it, others chose not to come, because they were embarrassed by his gameplay. And Russell was only there, because he comes to every Survivor function anyway. Brandon came in sixth, and Jeff, the host asked Russell to critique Brandon's gameplay and suggest what he could have done better. Russell said, "He did everything wrong." I'm sorry, but when did Russell become such an expert? He's played the game three times himself, but he still has yet to win, so who the hell is he to be telling anyone else that their game was all wrong? Russell doesn't have the first idea what it takes to win, so he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror.

But damn, I feel sorry for that family, and Brandon especially. I have to wonder what kind of environment Russell and his brother were raised in to treat people like that, and especially to treat their own family like that on national television. And how sad that a man who's trying to make a better name for his family gets put down so much for it. As far as I'm concerned, Russell and his brother are the ones who should be ashamed of themselves. I can see now why Brandon felt like he had something to prove, and he should be proud of himself for trying so hard to set a better example than the low one his family is trying to force upon him.

On my birthday this past November, I traded in my very first car, Colby, the one I had for twelve years, and got my new one. I had been dreading this day, because twelve years is a long time to have anything, and I had understandably grown attached to it. There were a few moments during the process when I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but surprisingly, it wasn't anywhere near as hard as I was anticipating, because it was love at first sight when I laid eyes on my new one:



More over, when I started it up for the first time, it was already programmed to my radio station. Out of all the ones it could have been set to, it was on the one I listen to faithfully. I took it as a sign as silly as that sounds.

My old car, Colby was named after the Survivor of the same name - Colby Donaldson. When I'd decided to name it, it was during the Heroes vs. Villains season, and he was the Survivor I was most rooting for. Colby was a hero, and my car was too for being so long-lived. Colby didn't win that season, but I decided to carry on with that tradition with my new car, which is named after Benjamin "Coach" Wade.

Known for being one of the biggest jackasses to ever curse Survivor beach with his presence, and was on the villians team during the Heroes vs. Villains season of course. Coach often told fantastical stories about how he overcame amazing odds. My favorite one was when he was apparently beaten to within an inch of his life by native Amazonians, and he barely escaped by paddling a canoe down the river with arrows whizzing by his head the entire time. Although how he managed to paddle anything after having been beaten nearly to death is beyond me :P

He later went on to admit that a lot of how he behaved was mainly to get a rise out of people, but he didn't like the negative reputation he had acquired as a result. I wonder what he thought would happen, but that's beside the point. He eventually deflated his head a bit (James Potter, anyone?), and I barely even recognize him as the person he was when he first came on the show. He's gone from being one of the Survivors I hated the most to being one of my all-time favorites. Rather fitting for my new car, I think.

I'm posting this now, because we are on the eve of the next Survivor finale, and Coach is still there going into the final five. Nothing would make me happier than for him to win this season. If he does, this will be the fifth time my favorite has gone on to win :D

Coach for sole Survivor!

I didn't name my car after you for nothing! <3

Oh my god, THAT WAS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE :D

( The things nobody knows makes us who we are (SPOILERS) )

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 42/?
Author: SiriuslyLupin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.
Word count: 163,896 and counting

Last night at approximately 9:30 PM, I successfully completed my third NaNoWriMo :D Every single time I've done this, I've finished on the 28th of the month. Seriously, who needs thirty days? :P

I wasn't even sure I wanted to do it this time. I did it twice in a row already, the last time being just this past August, and I still felt slightly burned out because of it. But I figured what the hell? You don't lose anything by simply trying, and I thought I'd at least start it and see how far I got. If anything, I would have at least some words written at the end of the month that I hadn't had before. I wasn't even taking it all that seriously, because I really couldn't see myself reaching the finish line again. And here I am.

At least I've learned to never doubt myself. I guess I knew that before, but this has really served as a great reminder. No matter how hard the task ahead looks, no matter how unsure I am of myself, no matter how convinced I am that I won't make it, you really never know if you're capable of it unless you try. Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes which rather fits this situation:

"Whether or not [we] succeed is not so important as the fact that we try."
~Quantum Leap

This brings the story I was working on for it, Shandurai: Year Four to 166,000 and some odd words. This is my longest story to date, and it's still not done. It is getting close though. I don't imagine it being longer than 200,000 words when all is said and done, but...who the hell knows? I should know by now to not make promises about story length, because we all know how they tend to get away from me. Like Love Sees More 3: Greyback's Pack, for instance, which started out as a one-shot and ended up being my longest story at the time with a grand total of 138,546 words. Yeah, never mind anything I said about possible word length...

Thank you so much to all the lovely people at nanowrimo for making this win possible for me. I honestly don't think I could have done it without everyone's constant support and the sprints that kept me writing when the procrastinator in me wanted to do anything but <3

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 41/?
Author: SiriuslyLupin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.
Word count: 158,152 and counting

This is a post that has been a long time coming. At first, I was debating with myself about even writing it, and even then, I thought about keeping it friends' locked or only sharing it with a select few. But no. I want to put this out there. I'm not embarrassed by it anymore. Quite the contrary, I'm proud of what I've gotten through, and I want people to know what I've been through, and that there is hope.

I didn't want to acknowledge it, but I found myself in steeply increasing downward spiral ever since my mother passed away. The last time I felt anything similar to this was when I was nineteen, though for entirely different reasons. I didn't want to admit to myself that this was something similar, because the first time was enough to nearly kill me. It took me years to pull myself out of that hole I found myself in, and the thought of having to do that again made me feel so tired. So tired when I could barely hold my head up as it was.

It started with an inability to sleep, which started when my mother first fell ill. I tried to shrug it, but I knew in the back of my mind that it was a warning sign, because it was the way it started last time. Laying awake for hours at night, staring at the blackened ceiling, praying for the temporary relief that sleep brought. And then slowly this black cloud seemed to creep over me and everything I was doing. I started losing interest in a lot of things, and even things I normally enjoyed no longer brought me the pleasure it used to. I knew this was a huge warning sign, but still I tried to ignore it, to tell myself that it would pass eventually, whatever it was. This really started to horribly affect me about a year ago, and I struggled throughout the entire winter. I tried to hide it the best I could, because I was embarrassed I suppose.

The first time I really truly realized that I was most likely depressed was when I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1. I wasn't even as excited for it in the days, weeks, and months leading up to it like I normally was, and this confused me so much. Harry Potter was the one thing, no matter how hard a time I was having, that could always manage to make me happy. It was what saved my life the first time I went through this - it was the one spot of happiness I had in my life, the one that inspired me to pull myself out of that hole. But I went to see that movie last November and...I felt so disconnected from it. It was like I was watching a movie through someone's window, standing out in the freezing cold, trying desperately to be a part of the excitement everyone else was feeling over it. And I just couldn't, because I was locked out. No matter how hard I tried to get into it, I felt nothing for it. I blamed it on the movie being boring, but deep down, I knew that wasn't the reason. Why couldn't the one magical thing in my life work its magic this time? Was I really that bad off? I suppose I was looking for a quick fix, and there really isn't one.

I started feeling disconnected from a lot of things - movies, books, people. That movie couldn't have just been bad, because I was feeling the same thing for pretty much everything - an encompassing lack of emotion. My existence became a vicious cycle, and that was exactly what it was - an existence. If you go back through my journal entries starting at about this time last year, there's a distinct lack of posts about what I was going through. Nothing really about my current feelings about anything, because I wasn't feeling anything. I felt like I was quickly become this shell devoid of anything, and I didn't know what to do to stop it.

In the end, I don't know that it was entirely a bad thing. When things get to be too much for us, I think our emotions turn off as a defense mechanism to protect us from truly spiraling out of control when things become overwhelming. So perhaps I didn't want to stop it right away, because it was protecting me from things. Or something.

I went through the motions all day, pretending everything was fine, only to come home at night to lay on the couch and stare at the television like a zombie, praying I would feel something for something, anything. I neglected a lot of things, including friends, because I just didn't care anymore. I covered it up by saying I was busy, even though I really wasn't. I was well and truly a mess, and I knew something had to give.

And oh god, did it. My entire world was turned upside down, but to be honest, it was what I needed at the time. I realized that I didn't want this to be me anymore. I didn't want to be this shell of a person, letting life pass me by. I didn't want to let this monster, this ugly dark cloud over my head consume me. I had crawled out of the deep, dark hole once before, and I knew I could do it again. It was the motivation I needed to finally help myself, and I knew the first step was to try and start reconnecting with people again, because that had been the first step to finding myself again the last time. I didn't confide everything to anyone, because I was still too embarrassed to put myself out there like that, but just a lot of little things to a lot of different people. You should know who you are by now, and thank you for being there for me. If anything, an experience like this really shows you who your real friends are, and I really couldn't have done it without your support.

I started looking for a new job, one that would enable me to finally realize my dream of being a mother. I couldn't do that on the hours I was working and the salary I was earning at my old job. I submitted an application to every accessible place within a twenty mile radius that seemed like it might be a better opportunity than the one I had. And I waited to hear something. And I waited. There were times there where I didn't think I'd ever be able to find something better, because it was simply disheartening to not hear anything back with the amount of places I applied to.

And then it happened. My now boss called me and asked me come in for an interview. August eighth was the day my entire world began to turn right side up again. I can't describe how absolutely thrilled this made me. Even if I didn't get hired, at least someone showed some interest in me! It didn't mean I was completely incapable of finding another job. Even though I knew it wasn't me, because a lot of people can't get jobs right now. And just like that, I was hired. In a matter of twenty-four hours, my life completely turned itself around.

I am so happy right now. Gone are the nights were I stare at the television in the hopes of feeling something. I feel things again, I enjoy things again, I feel alive again! Gone are the nights of staring up at the ceiling in the hopes that sleep will claim me. I haven't had a sleepless night in so long, I can't even remember how long it's been. Since before I got my new job at least, but I can't pinpoint when. A lot of what happened between about last October and June of this year seem like a big black hole that sucked everything up. It's hard for me to remember, to be honest.

I can't even comprehend that it was that long. It felt like a blink of an eye to me, which really rather concerns me. How can the better part of a year just...go away like that? Especially when you're having a hard time, you'd think that time would feel like forever. But when you don't feel anything, I guess it's hard to keep track of time at all when there's really no bright spots to break up the monotony.

But this is not meant to scare anyone. This is a good post, because I am okay now. In fact, I'm better than okay. I can safely say that I am downright amazing. And I would not say that if it wasn't true. I am me again. Somewhere along the way, I was consumed by so much nothingness that I lost myself in it. To the big black hole the devoured almost everything.

There is no black hole anymore. There is no dark cloud. There is only me.

I broke one of the PIN pads at work the other day. Well, I didn't break it per se, it just decided to up and die on me when I was using it. One of the managers tried to reset it, but that didn't work, so she called Mike, the owner to look at it. He took it all apart and still didn't get anywhere with it. He called the manufacturer, and they sent him a list of instructions for how to completely reboot it, but that didn't work either. He told me, "Try not to break another one until we get that one fixed, because it might be a while." This was in a completely joking manner, by the way; he knew it was an accident and that I hadn't caused it. At which point, I was laughing, and one of my co-workers, Rose said, "Haha, you got hollered at." Also in a completely joking manner, and Jesus, we all lost it. Just one the reasons I love that place so much. But they ended up having to replace the PIN pad, because it was complete fried.

Today, they put me next to Kilee. Best thing ever when that happens (or worst thing ever for the business, but we'll get to that). Seriously, I love her so much. We have a wonderful time when we're paired together. It started off as the two of us being silly; when we're together, you can guarantee that you're going to hear some giggling. She thrives on making people laugh, and it's contagious. But then last week, we had a very serious discussion and ended up confiding some deeply personal things in each other. If I'm honest, I'm really coming to regard her as my best friend, and I was wondering if the feeling was mutual, because we've only known each other for a few months. But now...you do not share the things she shared with me with just anyone. It was something I've had experience with myself, which sparked this very lengthy discussion. Yes, this is what we do at work :P

She also happened to be working with the PIN pad that just got replaced. When Mike saw this, he said, "It probably wasn't a good idea to put you on the brand new one. You'll just break it again." Then he turned to me and said, "They put you two together? You'll have this whole place broken in no time." Kilee turned to me and said, "Is he implying that we'd destroy this place together?" I said that yes, that was what he was implying, and she said, "That's really mean. It's probably true, but it's still mean."

I said it was totally true, and that they're going to have to start separating us. We agreed that this would indeed be a travesty, because work isn't anywhere near as fun when the other isn't there, or when we can't randomly lean over and chat to each other throughout the day. And then we said we loved each other. It kind of took my breath away. But I'm not crazy! She has as much fun when we're together as I do. I didn't check her schedule to see if we'll be working again together the rest of this week (which only consists of Friday for me), but Jesus, I hope we are <3

That, and I think one of the guys at work, Shawn has a crush on me. I've been getting that vibe from him, but it's hard to tell, because everyone there is ridiculously nice and friendly. But when I was doing stock a couple weeks ago, he offered to push the cart for me. That was when I kind of figured that he was being more than just friendly. Then I kept seeing him throughout the night, which really isn't normal, because we work in different departments. I asked him if he was stalking me, and he said, "I think you're the one who's stalking me."

Last night, we happened to be taking our breaks at the same time, and we ended up talking about some of our interests. I mentioned that I enjoyed writing, and he kept asking me questions about that. I was telling him about my penchant for writing stories about the werewolves from Harry Potter, and I felt the need to add that I definitely didn't write about the Twilight werewolves. He said, "Good, I hate Twilight." It's good to have that out of the way :P And then he shared his Oreos with me. Which, oh Jesus, totally reminded me of something a boy in grade school would do to tell you he likes you. But it was really cute nonetheless, and I do believe that was when I started blushing.

The problem with this is he looks quite young. I don't think he's more than twenty, and I don't want to go out with someone twelve years younger than me. Not that I would look down on that - age is only a number after all - but I feel like I've grown and matured so much since was twenty. When I look back, I don't even recognize the person I was at twenty. That was probably because I was so messed up back then, but still. It would scare me too much that he has all that growing to do still. I feel like we'd be at such different areas in our lives, and it just wouldn't work.

But who knows? I'm still mistaken for being a teenager myself, so maybe he just looks young. I need to inquire about his age, I'm just afraid of scaring him off, even though I figure we're well past that point now :P

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 39/?
Author: SiriuslyLupin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.
Word count: 150,223 and counting

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 39/?
Author: SiriuslyLupin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.
Word count: 141,747 and counting

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 38/?
Author: SiriuslyLupin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.
Word count: 134,888 and counting

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 37/?
Author: SiriuslyLupin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.
Word count: 128,050 and counting

Title: Father Figure
Chapter: 1/1
Author: SiriuslyLupin
Rating: G
Warnings: angst
Summary: When Teddy graduates from Hogwarts and as Harry begins to spend more and more time with his godson as a result, Albus Severus begins to feel left out. Especially since he’ll be starting Hogwarts soon, which will take Albus even further away from his father. Will Harry be able to reassure him that even though things are changing all around them, things between father and son will stay the same?
Word count: ~6,600

I hope everyone is having an amazing night whether you're celebrating or not :D



Thank you so much to anna_potter, katelinmr, firefly_blue, kaitydid33087, and mahmfic for my most recent virtual gifts and Halloween and birthday wishes *huggles you all tightly*

I was off from work this weekend, so I just found out that one of my coworkers, Zenna lost her mother on Friday night in a car accident. Her mother was texting while driving, lost control of the car, and went off the road. She was only forty-three years old. Zenna asked for the entire week off, understandably so, but I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and hold her. I don't think I will, even when I see her, because we're not quite that close yet (and god knows I hated virtual strangers hugging me after my own mother died), but I want to all the same. Hold her and tell her I know.

I didn't know her mother personally, but Zenna's grandmother (her mum's mum) came in quite a bit. They all lived together - Zenna, her parents, and Zenna's grandmother. I always thought about how close they must be; I could tell when I saw Zenna and her grandmother together that were incredibly close anyway, so I imagined it must be the same way for her whole family. It's strange, because I keep catching myself thinking, "I can't imagine what they're going through," but then I realize - I do know. I know all too well. Both sides of the equation.

But my coworkers are amazing. They're planning to get a sympathy card and having everyone sign it, and they're also going to take up a collection for donations to help her family through this time. It kind of gave me a warm fuzzy feeling despite the sadness I am feeling for Zenna. I feel privileged and blessed to have been accepted into this family, because that's truly what it felt like to me today.

If you have a cell phone, please, please put it away when you're driving, or better yet, just turn it off. No matter what it's about, that call or that text message can wait. It's not worth risking your life over in such a senseless tragedy. Ever.