SiriuslyLupin's InsaneJournal

Where has that old friend gone?
Lost in a February song.
Tell him it won't be long,
Till he opens his eyes.
Opens his eyes.

Where is that simple day,
Before colors broke into shades?
And how did I ever fade,
Into this life?
Into this life.

And I never want to let you down.
Forgive me if I slip away.
When all that I've known is lost and found,
I promise you,
I...I'll come back to you one day.

Morning is waking up,
And sometimes it's more than just enough.
When all that you need to love,
Is in front of your eyes.
It's in front of your eyes.

And I never want to let you down.
Forgive me if I slip away.
Sometimes it's hard to find my ground,
'Cause I keep on falling as
I try to get away from this crazy world.

And I never want to let you down.
Forgive me if I slip away,
When all that I've known is lost and found.
I promise you,
I...I'll come back to you one day.

Where has that old friend gone?
Lost in a February song.
Tell him it won't be long,
Till he opens his eyes.
Opens his eyes.

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 31/?
Author: siriuslylupinff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.

I have the most amazing best friend in the history of the world. When I am down, she raises me up to stand on mountains, to walk on stormy seas, she makes me strong when I am on her shoulders, and she raises me up to be more than I can be. I'm almost like Jesus here (only significantly less holy, of course) :D

I love you, sis. And I appreciate everything you are to me. Now more than ever *huggles tgbta tightly*

You Raise Me Up ~ Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary,
When troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up...to more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
And I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up...to more than I can be.
You raise me up...to more than I can be.

This has quite possibly been one of the most bizarre days I've ever had in my life. It started off with the most insane dream, and ended with some things being positively turned upside down. Some things just went absolutely insane today. People are in a panic. It's like the apocalypse is here and the world is going to implode on itself. Or something.

Appropriate title is appropriate :( And I think I should go to bed before something else decides to happen.

I hate how quickly it's seemed to hit me again. I had such an amazing time the last few weeks. My favorite time of year, how could I not? I suppose it's been brought about by my uncle's surgery yesterday, which made me think about things. And by various other things. I just miss my mum horribly. I've been trying to play it off, to push it away like I always do, but there it is. Like a big pink elephant in the room.

The holidays are coming up, but they're going to be so hard and empty without her. I got through my birthday all right, but the thought of celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mum...I can't even imagine it. Thirty of them just wasn't enough.

I don't even know what the point of this post is other than to say I miss my mum so much. I hate how it can sneak up on me like this after I've been feeling so at peace with everything. It's just frustrating. But I'm not okay right now, and I can't be okay all the time. I just can't. And that is okay. I'm allowed to not be strong. I'm only human, damn it.

And don't say you understand, because unless or until you've lost a parent, you can't.

My uncle's surgery went okay today. He's in intensive care now, and he'll be in the hospital for a while, but he's already awake and talking.

Someone from my family was supposed to call and let us know how it went, but no one bothered. Here we are, for three hours after he got out of surgery, wondering if he's all right. Everyone in the family started calling us to see if we heard anything, because no one else did, either, and we were starting to get worried. My dad had to track someone down himself to find out what was going on with his own brother. People are so damn inconsiderate.

It's just been a very long, very emotionally exhausting day, and it didn't help that no one could be bothered to tell us how my uncle was. I can't believe it's not even midnight yet, because it feels like it should be three or four in the morning already.

As a lot of you know, my uncle (my dad's brother) has to go in for a triple bypass and an aortic valve replacement on Wednesday. I don't feel particularly close to this uncle, but I feel horribly my dad, having to see his brother going through this. My dad says he's not upset, but I can tell he is. I already lost a brother, and I had plenty of moments like this long the way, wondering if he would be okay or not. I know what it feels like.

More than anything, I'm so thankful it's not my dad. He already had his share of heart problems a couple years ago. Nothing as serious as this, but he's doing well now, and I'm so glad that he didn't have to go through anything like this. And that makes me feel bad for finding relief in someone else's troubles. Even though I know it's only human to feel this way.

It also freaks me the hell out. All of my grandparents and great-grandparents have died from heart-related issues. My mum didn't die from her heart attack, but it indirectly led to it; she developed pneumonia, and she was too weak from the heart attack to fight it off. Various aunts and uncles, as well as my sister have already had high blood pressure and various other heart issues at young ages. These things run in families, so I'm pretty much doomed to have some sort of heart problem myself at some point.

This is a very depressing post, I know, but I'm trying to get these things out now rather than keeping them in. If you could keep my uncle in your thoughts, it would be very much appreciated <3

And if you know where the title of this post comes from, you get a cookie (or a Galleon at the Nuthouse if applicable)!

Title: Love Sees More 3: Greyback's Pack
Chapter: 12/?
Author: siriuslylupinff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Remus has agreed to infiltrate Greyback’s pack. That, however, proves much easier said than done. As the days pass and Remus spends more time with the animalistic werewolves, it becomes harder and harder for him to remember what it was like to live as a human.

Because someone apparently doesn't know this yet. I heard this song on the radio last night, and I kept thinking I needed to post the lyrics. The weird thing is, I didn't get around to it until tonight, but not a minute after I did post it, this exact song came on the radio again. A little bit creepy, but perfect nonetheless.

I Will Survive ~ Gloria Gaynor

At first, I was afraid, I was petrified.
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong.
And I grew strong, and I learned how to get along.
And so you're back from outer space.
I just walked in to find you here,
With that sad look upon your face.
I should have changed that stupid lock,
I should have made you leave your key,
If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.

Oh, now go, walk out the door.
Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
You think I'd crumble, you think I'd lay down and die.
Oh no, not I, I will survive.
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.
I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give,
And I'll survive.
I will survive.

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart,
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart.
And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself.
I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high.
And you see me, somebody new,
I'm not that chained up little girl so still in love with you.
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free,
But now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me.

Oh, now go, walk out the door.
Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
You think I'd crumble, you think I'd lay down and die.
Oh no, not I, I will survive.
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.
I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give,
And I'll survive.
I will survive.

And part two of my two favorite days of the year. Having my birthday the day after Halloween has always made it seem like a big two day celebration instead of just one, hence why I love them both so much. And you just can't beat candy one day, and presents the next :D

Today was so amazing. I just spent it at home with my dad, because there's no one I'd rather spend it with. I had a very brief moment at dinner where I was missing my mum, remembering last year when I celebrated it with both her and my dad, but I was okay. I spent the rest of the day playing with my new presents and relaxing and...I just want to go back and relive the last forty-eight hours again, it was so perfect.

Thank you so much to everyone who sent me birthday wishes today! I appreciate it so much, and you managed to make today even better than it already was. I love you all! <3

Part one of my two favorite days of the year :D

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 30/?
Author: siriuslylupinff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.

Shiloh Pepin, a ten year old girl with a congenital deformity called sirenomelia (more commonly known as mermaid syndrome) passed away on Friday. Many documentaries have aired that followed her life, and she wasn't even expected to live for more than a few days at birth. The fact that she made it to ten was a miracle, but she struggled with so many ongoing health problems. However, the last documentary that aired just a few weeks ago reported her to be in the best health of her life, so this is quite a shock.

I don't know how many of you have seen any of her documentaries, but she was such an amazing little girl. She had such a spirit and inner strength that you don't see very often in people. She was truly an inspiration <3

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes.
Yeah, you PMS like a bitch, I would know.
And you overthink, always speak cryptically.
I should know that you're no good for me.

Cause you're hot, then you're cold,
You're yes, then you're no.
You're in, then you're out,
You're up, then you're down.
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white.
We fight, we break up,
We kiss, we make up.

You don't really want to stay, no,
But you don't really want to go.
You're hot, then you're cold,
You're yes, then you're no.
You're in, then you're out,
You're up, then you're down.

We used to be just like twins, so in sync,
The same energy, now's a dead battery.
Used to laugh bout nothing, now you're plain boring.
I should know that you're not gonna change.

Someone call the doctor, got a case of a love bi-polar.
Stuck on a roller coaster, can't get off this ride.
You change your mind like a girl changes clothes.

Cause you're hot, then you're cold,
You're yes, then you're no.
You're in, then you're out,
You're up, then you're down.
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white.
We fight, we break up,
We kiss, we make up.

You don't really want to stay, no,
But you don't really want to go.
You're hot, then you're cold,
You're yes, then you're no.
You're in, then you're out,
You're up then you're down.

I went to see Saw VI today! Quite possibly the greatest movie of the Saw series in my humble opinion, and I don't care if people think I'm crazy for it :D

( The game came full circle (SPOILERS) )

Why, oh why, are people going to see this if they haven't seen the first five movies?? There are people on the Saw message boards, asking people to explain the first five movies to them, because they've only seen the most recent one. It just boggles the mind!

Oh, and I got carded! A week before my thirtieth birthday, it feels very nice indeed to be carded for an R rated movie! :D

For you, sis. I think you said it best - just when I thought we were as close as we could be...you surprise me. I love you, and just for the record, you are amazing. I know I don't say that a lot, and I don't say anything at all even more, but you'll always be my best friend. I actually think the very world would implode if you weren't <3

You Are Loved ~ Josh Groban

Don't give up,
It's just the weight of the world.
When your heart's heavy,
I...I will lift it for you.

Don't give up,
Because you want to be heard.
If silence keeps you,
I...I will break it for you.

Everybody wants to be understood,
Well I can hear you.
Everybody wants to be loved,
Don't give up,
Because you are loved.

Don't give up,
It's just the hurt that you hide.
When you're lost inside,
I...I will be there to find you.

Don't give up,
Because you want to burn bright.
If darkness blinds you,
I...I will shine to guide you.

Everybody wants to be understood,
Well I can hear you.
Everybody wants to be loved,
Don't give up,
Because you are loved.

You are loved.
Don't give up,
It's just the weight of the world.
Don't give up,
Everyone needs to be heard.

Last night, I watched this documentary about the assassination of John F. Kennedy on the History Channel. It was told completely through news clips, videos, interviews, and television shows from the time. It was so overwhelming. They showed so much news footage from November 22, 1963 that I had never even seen before, following JFK throughout the morning and into the afternoon.

I've seen and read so much on the subject, but I think this was perhaps one of the most emotionally draining ones to watch. Maybe because it showed so much footage from the presidential breakfast beforehand. It was very chilling and haunting to watch, knowing what was coming later on in the day.

At the end, they showed a montage of clips from various recent movies and television shows on the subject. One of the last clips they showed was from the Quantum Leap episode Lee Harvey Oswald (previously known as Leaping On a String). It was that episode of television that got me interested in the subject at all, so seeing it referenced there, if only briefly, was simply epic.

They're calling this the JFK Assassination week on the History Channel, and they'll be showing even more documentaries on it. It's rather odd, considering that they usually have this sort of thing in November, closer to the anniversary, but it's really reminded me how fascinated I am by the subject <3

Title: Shandurai: Year Four
Chapter: 29/?
Author: siriuslylupinff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Despite the looming prophecy still hanging over her head, Shandurai Lupin is determined to make the most of her fourth year at Hogwarts. However, it isn’t long before she realizes that the traitor may have already started to fulfill the prophecy, bringing with it the death of one of Shandurai’s classmates. While the school is thrown into turmoil, Shandurai learns that another one of her friends is hiding a dark secret. One that will intertwine them in the Death Eaters' plot more than they'd ever anticipated.

I have a tale to tell,
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well.
I was not ready for the fall,
Too blind to see the writing on the wall.

A man can tell a thousand lies,
I've learned my lesson well.
Hope I live to tell,
The secret I have learned.
Till then, it will burn inside of me.

I know where beauty lives,
I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives.
The light that you could never see,
It shines inside, you can't take that from me.

The truth is never far behind,
You kept it hidden well.
If I live to tell,
The secret I knew then,
Will I ever have the chance again?

If I ran away, I'd never have the strength,
To go very far.
How would they hear the beating of my heart?
Will it grow cold, the secret that I hide?
Will I grow old?
How will they hear?
When will they learn?
How will they know?

A man can tell a thousand lies,
I've learned my lesson well.
Hope I live to tell,
The secret I have learned.
Till then, it will burn inside of me.

The truth is never far behind,
You kept it hidden well.
If I live to tell,
The secret I knew then,
Will I ever have the chance again?

It's been a week since my last update, so I feel like I should post something, even though I don't really have anything to talk about. So I guess I'll post about the thing that I'm most excited about at the moment - Saw VI coming out on October 23rd! You have no idea how excited I am for this movie! I'm almost as fangirlish right now as I am before a Harry Potter realease. Not quite, but almost.

I love these movies all by themselves, but I think I'm more emotionally invested in this one. Last winter, they had a reality show, Scream Queens where they basically auditioned ten actresses for a role in Saw VI. From the very beginning, Tanedra Howard was my favorite to win, which she did. It's so fulfilling to see your favorite win something like that all by itself, but it's made me even more excited for this movie to see how she does. But I know she'll be amazing, because she wouldn't have beat out nine other actresses otherwise.

Just when I think it's getting to the last movie of the series, it's announced that even more are in the works. For a long time, I thought that VI would be the last one, but now I've come to find out that they have through VII still planned. I know a lot of people think it's being run into the ground at this point, but I think they could make a million of these things and I'd love every single one. For the last five years, Halloween has meant a new Saw movie. It makes this time of year that much more special for me, knowing I have another installment to enjoy of a series I love so much <3

On October 23rd, the game comes full circle.